we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
