he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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