planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
