hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
