Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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