Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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