Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My vagina is officially offended.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
