Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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