My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
