A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
