My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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