Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
