I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
