Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
