she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My pussy is not your playground.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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