Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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