Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
