So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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