shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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