I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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