I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
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When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
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I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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