We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
