Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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