he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize