I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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