I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
