I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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