i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
