Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
