There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
