She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
