Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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