There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
