Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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