i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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