i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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