I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
True strength comes from lack of pants
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
