that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
