I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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