Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Randomize
