You can't motorboat a personality
my shit smells like andre
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
