I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
