his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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