And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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