he shaved USA in his pubs
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
