I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
