remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
