I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
