it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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