I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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