You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
