fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
