Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I faked an abortion last night.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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