So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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