at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
