you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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