I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
