I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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