the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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