shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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