I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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