I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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