Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
