i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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