remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize