My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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