I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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