You're completely useless in the revolution.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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