p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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