I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
