ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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