No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
