I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
