Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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