Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
false alarm, still single
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
