Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
