I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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