don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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