You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
