Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
