There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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