I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
