My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
