Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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