I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
