you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
